


Rage Against The Reflection

by tabbytabbytabby



Series: Bad Things Happen Bingo [23]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Derek Hale & Theo Raeken Friendship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Guilt, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Pre-Slash, Self-Loathing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-30
Updated: 2019-01-30
Packaged: 2019-10-19 15:45:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17604221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tabbytabbytabby/pseuds/tabbytabbytabby
Summary: Theo thinks he's done a pretty good job of holding himself together, and not letting any of the guilt slip through the cracks. Of course everyone has their breaking point, so it's only a matter of time before Theo reaches his.





	Rage Against The Reflection

**Author's Note:**

  * For [iftheskyisthelimit](https://archiveofourown.org/users/iftheskyisthelimit/gifts).



> For iftheskyisthelimit, who wanted Rage Against The Reflection for Theo for Bad Things Happen Bingo.

Loving himself has never been one of Theo’s priorities. He doesn’t need to love himself. He doesn’t need anyone else to love him either. He’s seen what people loving him leads to. There’s no point. All love does is get you killed. All he needs is power, and to survive. Two things he thought he could get with the Dread Doctors, or so they told him. 

The realization that they were wrong, and just another group of people that inevitably let him down only pushed him further. He decided he didn’t need them. He’d get what he wanted for himself. Another mistake. 

Being sent with the skin walkers and spending all that time being tormented by Tara made something snap inside of him. He’s felt wrong ever since he came back. The guilt he never allowed himself to feel is there, pushing at the cracks in him, just waiting to be set free. He does a good job of pushing it down. For a while the only thing important to him is surviving, and somewhere along the way it changes from not only caring about his survival but the packs as well. 

He doesn’t like to think about why too often. It just brings up thought and memories he’s better off not having. 

It’s once the dust settles and he’s left alone that it gets harder to keep things at bay. He’s still sleeping in his truck, but thankfully the deputies aren’t harassing him half as much as they were. Now the only thing interrupting his sleep are the nightmares. 

It’s when it starts raining one night that he finally gives in and drives himself to the old building he’s heard Derek Hale owns. Derek left a few weeks ago, and from what Theo knows, no one else is living here. It can’t hurt for him to sneak in and crash here for the night. 

He’s still quiet as he makes his way upstairs to the loft. He knows he could just go to one of the other apartments, but they’re not furnished, and Theo really needs a bed. And a shower. Maybe some food if there is any here. 

It’s dark when he walks in, but he doesn’t turn on the lights. He doesn’t want to draw too much attention to him being here in case anyone drives by and knows the place is supposed to be empty. He puts his bag down next to the couch, and then makes his way into the bathroom. 

He turns the light on, and checks the shower, feeling relieved when he sees Derek left some shampoo and body wash here when he left. He quickly shucks his clothes and turns on the water, before stepping inside. He can’t suppress the groan he lets out when the warm water touches his skin. It’s been so long since he had a warm shower. 

Once he’s done he grabs a towel from the rack above the toilet and towels off his hair, before wrapping the towel around his waist. He walks to the mirror and uses his hand to wipe it clean. He almost jumps back when he sees his own face staring back at him. He looks drawn and tired. There are deep bags under his eyes, and his face is thinner than he’s ever seen it. 

“You deserve this,” his reflection growls at him, and Theo flinches back at the anger in the voice. “After everything you did, you deserve to be alone and wither away. No one would care. Or even notice. They’d probably throw a party once they found out. And here you are moping around and being pathetic.”

Theo growls and brings his fist up, crashing it into the mirror. He feels the glass crack a little beneath his skin, and it breaks something in him. He takes a deep breath and does it again, letting out an angry yell. He continues to do it, even as the glass shatters around him and his knuckles start to bleed. 

He only stops when an arm wraps around him from behind and pulls him away. Theo growls and struggles in the grip, “Let me go!”

“Calm down!”

Theo sucks in a breath when he recognizes Derek’s voice. He goes still in his arms, and his eyes drift to the shattered mirror. 

Derek drags him out of the room, and down the hall to his bedroom. He sits him on the edge of the bed, and then walks away. He returns a moment later holding a first aid kit, and kneels down in front of him. He takes Theo’s hand in his and frowns as he starts to wipe away the blood. He pulls out a pair of forceps and starts working on getting the glass out.

“You know it’ll heal,” Theo mutters.

“I know,” Derek says, glancing up at him before focusing on his hand again. “But we need to get the glass out first. The last thing you need is it healing over with glass still in there.”

“It wouldn’t matter. I’d deserve it.”

“What makes you say that?” Derek asks him.

Theo gives a bitter laugh, “Really? After all the shit I did to the people in this town, I think I more than deserve a little pain. I’ve just… I’ve been trying not to think about it but then I looked in the mirror for the first time in weeks and saw how I looked. And it just snapped the little control I had.”

Theo doesn’t know why he’s telling Derek all this. They’re not necessarily friends. But something about Derek makes Theo feel calm, and like he can talk to him. 

“Do you know how many times I’ve looked in the mirror and hated what I saw there?” Derek asks him. “Especially after the fire. All I could see was this stupid kid who couldn’t keep it in his pants, and because of that his whole family burned. It took a long time for me to get to a point where I could look in the mirror and not want to punch it until the glass broke and my knuckles bled.”

“But you got there?” Theo asks him.

“I did,” Derek says. “And you will too. It’ll just take time.” Theo nods, but doesn’t say anything. Derek continues working on fixing up his hand. He pulls out the last piece of glass and smiles. “There we go. All done.”

Theo looks down at his hand, wincing when he feels his skin starting to piece back together. “I’m sorry for breaking into your loft and then breaking your mirror,” Theo says, not knowing what else to say to break the silence that has fallen over them.

Derek shrugs, “It’s fine.”

“The loft or the mirror?”

“Both,” Derek says. “I can replace the mirror. And you clearly needed a place to go. Which is something I’ve been wanting to talk to you about…”

Theo stands up suddenly, “Actually I probably should go.”

He starts to hurry from the room, when he realizes he’s still in a towel. He’ll change first, and then he’ll go. 

“I know you’re sleeping in your truck, Theo.”

Theo stops in his tracks. He closes his eyes, and takes a deep breath. The denial is there on the tip of his tongue, but he’s so tired of lying.

“And?”

“And I just want you to know, you don’t have to,” Derek tells him. “There’s room here. I’ve been meaning to talk to you. I just…”

“What?” Theo asks, gripping the towel tightly in one hand as he spins back around to face Derek. “You didn’t know if you could trust me?”

“Well no,” Derek says. “Not at first. I’d heard about what you did. But then I spent time with you and I just couldn’t register this guy I saw with the one I’d heard about. And Scott seems to trust you, Liam too, despite everything that happened. I think that says enough.”

“They trust me to keep them alive,” Theo mutters. “I’m not sure how much it goes past that.”

“I think someone trusting you with their life is a pretty big deal,” Derek says. “And I do think it’s more than that, Theo. I think you’re just so focused on hating yourself that you can’t see that other people do care about you.”

“I only wanted to survive,” Theo whispers, feeling the fight leave him. “They came and they convinced me to do these horrible things. And I did them. I think part of me was scared of what they’d do to me if I didn’t. I thought they’d kill me. But part of me also wanted the power they promised me. I was tired of being weak. I wanted to be strong. And so I just watched as she died. My own sister. I made myself shut down because otherwise I never would have been able to do it. I would have jumped into the water with her. And I had to watch as they carved her open and took out her heart, and then placed it in me. I can’t blame her for wanting it back.” Theo is crying by this point, but he can’t seem to make himself stop. Now that the words are coming out, they don’t want to stay in. 

“It’s her heart. Not mine. I shouldn’t have it. I don’t deserve it. It’s why I let her take it.”

He flinches when he feels a hand rest on his shoulder, before another one moves to his chin, lifting his head until he meets Derek’s eyes. “It’s your heart Theo. It’s beating in your chest. Whether it was supposed to be there to start with, doesn’t matter. What matters is what you do with it now.”

Theo gives a stiff nod. He’s surprised when Derek’s thumb comes up to brush his tears away. He can’t remember the last time anyone had been this gentle with him. He’s not sure how to handle it.

“I’m trying to be better,” Theo says, finally. “For Tara, and for myself.”

“Good. I think it might help if you had a place to stay and some stability.”

“You really want me to stay here?”

“I do.”

Theo still has his doubts, but Derek seems sincere. And the thought of actually having a bed to sleep on every night, a roof over his head, food, and water… It’s too good to pass up. 

“Okay,” Theo says. “I’ll stay.”


End file.
